This result is from two days ago, January 4th, 2013. Our baby, who is still not a “baby,” but an energy of cells dividing and multiplying into the size of a poppyseed, finally showed me a dark line. HURRAY!
Today, we are two weeks and six days preggers, according to my calculations. I can hardly believe I’m pregnant…again:
Exactly five months ago I found out I was pregnant. It was our first real attempt at trying. By real I mean, we didn’t do anything to stop it from happening, and by trying I mean, we bought a cheapie Ovulation Kit from Target to keep track of the days I was open and ready for implantation. The funny part was the test strips were hard to read so I actually thought it wouldn’t really work.
My husband and I would sit staring at the strips, tilting them in the fluorescent lights as if examining a Magic 8 Ball, Yes, No, Maybe?
Apparently we read them right because it worked. However, just barely four weeks into the pregnancy I had a miscarriage — a devastating reality check that I’m not really in control, of anything.
SIDE NOTE: My lady days are few and far between; unlike most girls who get their monthly gift every 28-30 days, I get mine every two months. Yep, every 50-60 days. Now I know what some of you may be thinking, “SHE’S SO FRIGGIN LUCKY!” Except, consider this — If most women have 12 chances a year at getting pregnant (if they ovulate once a month), for me it’s six chances a year, since I ovulate every two months — talk about discouraging odds when only six “days” out of 365 days in a year, are the gates of nature open to the possibility of life. Yeah, when we lost the baby, I cried A LOT.
I have to admit I’ve never cried so deep in my life, or felt such deep sorrow, but I was surprisingly proud of myself for not digging a hole too deep to fall into. The more I spoke with other women I knew, the less and less discouraged I felt. So many of them had experienced not one, but multiple miscarriages in their lives. One story was particularly heart-breaking, that of my good friend’s mom who lost nine babies. Can you imagine nine unsuccessful attempts? Yikes. She did have two beautiful and wonderful kids who are my friends, so her story of relentless trying was one of the stories that took me from darkness to light.
Also, knowing that so many women try to become pregnant for years and simply can’t, and that at our first real attempt at trying, we did…that was also an encouraging, and deep-dark-hole-filling thought.
Three months was the recommended time to wait, is what my acupuncturist said, so we did. I went back to Target and bought the same hard-to-read Ovulation Kit — IF IT AIN’T BROKEN WHY FIX IT– and we went fighting into round two. Hubby got his troops ready, and I stopped all hard exercise (I got into Crossfit after I lost the baby to get myself out of the funk), and we went to town on the week of ovulation. And by went to town I mean, we PRAYED A LOT *wink*.
BOOM! Exactly two weeks after my “I think both stripes are dark on the ovulation test strip so I think it’s a YES, let’s PRAY and hope for the best,” I
took a pregnancy test (another cheapie from the 99-Cent store. They work great and you can buy 15 of them for the price of one at the pharmacy) and we got our LSP = Little Skinny Positive. A very very very very very faint pink line next to the very dark “control” line.
It’s there isn’t it? Yes, I think so, let’s do another, Ok, done, it’s on this one too, OMG, let’s Google it, OMG there’s like a gazillion people that have tests that looks just like ours and they all say that means YES, Oh wow! Crazy! Let’s take another test just to make sure, yep, I see it, wait, let’s look at it under this light, yeah, it’s there, for sure, no doubt, ohhhh shoootttt, yay! Ok, we need to see a doc asap, going to email my Kaiser doc right now to make an appointment, don’t tell anyone! Awww babe, I love you! Me too.
…something like that.
Fast forward a few days and there it was, the response we were so eagerly anticipating on yet another 99-Cent store pregnancy test, our BFP = Big Fat Positive.
I know it’s way to early to tell anyone about our pregnancy, so I decided to start this secret blog that whomever may stumble upon it can benefit from my experience and the things I’m learning in this “Round two,” without knowing who we are (not that it would matter so much if anyone found out, but I think we’ve learned that it’s easier to give good solid news than it is to take it back). Plus, somewhere in my heart, mind, body, and spirit, I know this time it’s for real. Baby Kim Jr. is on it’s way.
Note: There’s lot’s of acronym’s floating around…BFP is ALL over baby websites, forums, message boards, blogs, and resources for expecting moms. Just one of the many things I’ve learn in the past few days.